The unknown blows. And frankly, it freaks me out. I don’t like not knowing what to expect or not having a plan. Relying on others makes me uncomfortable. I highly dislike not having control in a situation. I can honestly not even pinpoint a time in my adult life where I have felt genuinely helpless and out of control, besides having a really bad flu, but even then I managed to get through it on my own.
But, as the days go on, and my Hip Arthroscopy surgery looms closer at less than a month away, the more I find myself anxiously mulling over exactly what to expect. And I am stumped.
This girl has never had surgery before. Ever. Of course, lucky me, get to have a surgery that is not that common and know no one personally that has had it. I know plenty of people that have had shoulder and knee arthroscopy, but none for the hip. And from my research, the recovery is much different than that of shoulder and knee. Great.
My list of concerns is scattered. A whole lot of what ifs. Take a peek into my brain lately:
- I live alone. How will I get in/out of bed without help during the day?
- Will using the toilet physically be a problem seeing as us ladies have to sit, which in turn requires bending at the hip?
- I live upstairs. I’ve locked down help on surgery day post op to help me get home but after that, then what?
- I plan to food prep staples pre-op to hold me over for the first week but will getting up to heat up food pose a problem?
- I’ve bought one of those shower handles and my abuelita has a shower stool I can borrow, but honestly, how will I shower?
- I bought one of those razor extenders so hopefully I can still shave and not become a bear.
- How will I get shoes on in the beginning? Socks? Pants? I mean, I have no problem with no pants but what if I’m cold?
- I’m a pain tolerant person but I have no idea what kind of pain to expect.
- Will I need to dress my wound? I don’t know how to do this.
- I hope puppies visit me.
- People visitors will do, too.
- I hope people will air me out.
- I’ve been told what my expected recovery time will be but what if my body doesn’t cooperate?
- Will they be putting a breathing tube in my throat during surgery?
- I have been doing well at work, is my time away going to effect my status?
But, there are bright sides to all this. I’m looking forward to the long term, such as:
- Being able to do this, at this weight, without pain again:
- Being able to be on my feet all day and not end up with intense dull hip pain at night.
- Being able to drive for longer than 30 minutes without hip pain.
- Being able to sit for longer than an hour without discomfort.
- Being able to attempt this weight again:
- Avoiding the need for a hip replacement in my future.
Ultimately, getting back to the sport I love and living my daily life pain free is what I’m looking forward to. Ideally, this will all be worth it. The road back will be a long one and I know I’ll have to be super patient (not a strength of mine, let’s be honest). But I know many that have come back to more than 100% after gruesome recoveries, and those folks unknowingly inspire and motivate me.